Lonely

First of May (by Bee Gees)

When I was small, and christmas trees were tall,
We used to love while others used to play.
Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by,
someone else moved in from far away.

(chorus)
Now we are tall, and christmas trees are small,
And you don't ask the time of day.
But you and I, our love will never die,
But guess we'll cry come first of may.

The apple tree that grew for you and me,
I watched the apples falling one by one.
And I recall the moment of them all,
The day I kissed your cheek and you were mine.

(chorus...)

When I was small, and christmas trees were tall,
Do do do do do do do do do...
Dont ask me why, but time has passed us by,
some one else moved in from far away.

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It is one of my all time favourite song. Whenever I listen to this song, it will stir a mixed emotion within myself. Today, when I listen to this song, suddenly I felt a sense of extreme loneliness. I am lonely. Lonely in this little world of mine. My identity as a gay could only be confined within myself and the world of blogs. No one knows my supposed self. My own true self. Gosh... I really envy other bloggers who has came out to his friends and those who had found their other half. I could really feel their joy when I read through their blog. I feel really lonely. I'm here alone in my little room without the care and love of a boyfriend. Not even a friend who share my thoughts and feel.

I envy the person in the song..."We used to love while others used to play", "The day I kissed your cheek and you were mine."

I could not confess to anyone. I'm alone with myself. I really hate what I'm going through now- loneliness. I want to do what other gays do. I want to be loved- not by gals but guys. I want someone to hug me when I am down. I want someone who feed me and tuck me in my bed when I am sick. I want someone to talk to when I'm bored, who understand how I feel and think. I want someone beside me when I go for movie. Someone who will be my boyfriend.

I know it is still a long long journey to go. Don't know when I'll reach there. But for now, I only need friends who could really share with me my loneliness.