Sunday, February 22, 2009

Meeting up

Jason had been asking me out for several times but I always turn down his offer. Perhaps I was not ready and was worried too much.

Jen flew to KL on Wednesday and Aaron has just returned from India. Jason had some plans in mind to meet each other. But it never crosses my mind that one day later I will meet all of them together. It's too fast for it to become a reality. Jen messaged me the moment he touched down at KL. I was surprised coz I never give him my number. Anyway, I knew who gave it to him. Haha...

Jason was planning to meet Jen on Friday and he did ask me whether I am free that day. I didn't promise anything. Anyway, Jason didn't tell me much about his plans. I have been chatting with Jen almost everyday on MSN and asked him several times about Jason's plan. But both of us (or perhaps only me) seemed not to have anny clues about the 'meeting-up thingy'.

And finally on Thursday night I only knew that maybe Jason will meet up with Jen on Saturday. I went to KL city on Friday morning to settle some important matters and later in the afternoon I messaged Jen when I reached home. Suddenly I had the strong feeling of wanted to meet up with Jen and Jason. Hence, I texted Jen.

Me: Are u free tonight?
Jen: Yes. Hehe. Me with aaron now. Are you ok with it?

I was surprised. Hrmm...Aaron has reached KL? I didn't know about that but slowly I recalled Jason telling me one month ago about meeting up with Jen and Aaron. I didn't know that actually both Jen and Aaron knew each other. I asked Jen whether we can meet up for supper. Planned everything in that afternoon and informed Jason. I think he's surprised that I initiated the meeting. Haha... I was anxious and sent so many sms to make sure everything is ok.

Confirmed the venue and time, and I was all ready for the meeting. I would fetch Jen and Aaron at the LRT station. I planned for supper at Murni (hottest mamak in PJ) on 11.00pm. Jen and Aaron were staying in KL city and I do not know how to drive there. So, they took LRT and I would fetch them at the LRT station.

I was on my way to the LRT station when Jen texted me that they had reached. I arrived at the LRT station but could not see anyone of them. Messaged Jen but he didn't reply. I was worried. Called Jen and told him I was waiting for them. Finally I saw Jen and Aaron from afar.

Haha... I was so anxious. The idea of meeting them did not even cross my mind until that afternoon. And of course they were surprised that I asked them out for supper as I have been the one who always rejected the idea of meeting up. Anyway, Jen and Aaron were really nice. Aaron was chatty and kept talking till we reached Murni. Jen and Aaron did most of the talking and I was the more quiet one [as expected ;) ]. Jason was having company dinner and arrived late. I finally meet him in person after turning him down for so many times. (Jason...sorry ya...)

We talked about bloggers who we think is hot and good looking, movies, perfume, piercing, etc.
Chatted till around 1.ooam before we left. I was really happy to meet up with them. They're indeed a wonderful bunch of friends.

Haha... It was great knowing all of you. ;) And thanks for accepting me as your friend.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Lonely Valentine

Woke up at 8.00am today as I was awakened by my bro. I walked to the living room and lazed at the sofa and eventually fell back to sleep.

12.00pm: Woke up (for the second time). Chat with a few online buddies before preparing to go out for lunch.

1.45pm: Suddenly I felt so lonely. All of my housemates (incl. my bro) were either dating or went back home. Most of my friends were spending the very romantic Valentine's Day with their beloved. And jz have a serious conflict with two of my closest coursemates few days ago. I was all alone without anyone accompanying me. Went for lunch alone at Station One Cafe in Jaya One. I was green with envy when I saw many couples having their romantic lunch there. I really felt so lonely at that moment. Anyway, had a great lunch of fish and chips, sundae, and white coffee.

3.00pm: Shopped at Digital Mall. Has always wanted to buy a new webcam as the old one is no longer functioning. Bought a webcam and also a cooling pad. Again, I saw couples all over the place. I wondered if why I'm so lonely at this very special day. I have no one at all to go out with. Pathetic and lonely!!

4.00pm: Back at home. Chat with Jen on msn and tried my new webcam. Cammed with him for hours till dinner time.

7.00pm: Logged off at msn. Googling and facebook-ing till 8.00pm. Had a quick bath and off to dinner. Again, I was alone.

8.45pm: Since I was alone, I decided to drive thru KFC. It was a long queue today. I guess most of the people who were queuing up were like me, ALONE. Waited for nearly 20 minutes before my turn.

9.20pm: Reached home and had my KFC dinner alone. No one was at home. So quiet!!

10.10pm: Writing this post.
Feel so lonely especially when today is Valentine's Day. Haiz... another reminder that I'm still single. Going to be 22 soon but have yet to celebrate V Day. Hope and pray that at the same day next year I am no longer alone! The saddest thing is being lonely in such a big world on Valentine's Day.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Quotes: Self reflection

It's a lot easier being black than gay. At least if you're black you don't have to tell your parents.Judy Carter quotes (American Actress, Comedian and motivational speaker)

Every gay and lesbian person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges.
Bob Paris quotes

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
Steve Jobs quotes (American Entrepreneur Apple co-Founder, b.1955)

That's my advice to all homosexuals, whether they're in the Boy Scouts, or in the Army or in high school: Shut up, don't tell anybody what you do, your life will be a lot easier.
Bill O'Reilly quotes (Commentator, columnist, author. Born in Levittown, New York)

It is deplorable that homosexual persons have been and are the object of violent malice in speech or in action. Such treatment deserves condemnation from the church's pastors wherever it occurs... The intrinsic dignity of each person must always be respected in work, in action and in law.Joseph Ratzinger quotes

Although the particular inclination of the homosexual person is not a sin, it is a more or less strong tendency ordered to an intrinsic moral evil, and thus the inclination itself must be seen as an objective disorder.Joseph Ratzinger quotes

Saturday, February 7, 2009


Aha! Today I went to cut my hair again. It is barely one month yet. I think I have a strange addiction of going to salon. :) I went back to my hairstylist, Tom at Hair Atelier. He's really good at doing my hair. The last cut at Kimarie was horrible and I will never go back there again.

Tom has been promoted to Creative Stylist and now I have to pay RM45 instead of RM33. Congrats ya, Tom!

He did a great job on my hair today and my new hairstyle brightens my day! Haha...
Again, well done! ;)

Monday, February 2, 2009


Lately I'm wondering of the question whether it's a sin being gay and whether it's my choice or am I innately gay. A lot of bloggers have discussed on this issue before. Anyway, I'm writing this as i feel the urge to do so. I will not touch much on the issue but more will be focussed on my past, present, and future.

I begin to discover that I actually like guys since I was in my teenage years. I still remember that I used to keep a scrap book where I would paste pictures of half naked guys which I cut from magazines and newspapers. I enjoyed looking at those pictures and getting hard on. While my friends always talk about the hot chicks in school, I never join them. My friends are so crazy about footballs and basketballs while I don't even like watching football matches (except for World Cup... but i like cute footballers). I always mixed well with the gals and are close to them especially when I was in upper secondary.

I like shopping very much and I bet you can hardly find guys who do so. I can happily go shopping with girls and they always ask for my opinion bout their dresses. I can wait for them while they shop and of course they are very willing give comments when I shop for clothes. Unlike my many other male friends, I'm willing to spent lavishly on what I wear and what I eat. I always take good care of my skin. I even spent hundreds of ringgit to seek treatment from dermatologist during my acne outbreak when I was in Form 5 (of course it was my mum who was paying).

I still remember vividly how I enjoy PE (physical education i.e. sport) class as I got to see my handsome classmates changing for sports, that's when my eyes enjoy browsing at my naked male classmates. There was also one time when my close friend play with me and hugged me tightly from behind. I pretended to struggle though I actually like him hugging me. He is very handsome and I like him very much. But too sad he is straight and already had a girlfriend at that time. We seldom meet now as we go to different university now.

Though I am a horny guy at times, I only started watching gay porn when I was 18. Haha...shock ya! I think all these while my behaviour and character do somehow show indication that I am gay. I don't have any problem admitting to myself that I am gay. But I am not ready to come out yet. Still hiding in the closet. I think this is due to the stigma attached to being gay. Prejudice and discrimination against gay are reflected in the stereotypes of members of the gay community. I believe many of you will agree with me that gay still encounter extensive prejudice and discrimination because of their sexual orientation. Verbal harassment being the most common form. I fear of coming out because I afraid my family and friends will reject me for being who I am. I truly know that hiding my real identity would somehow has some psychological effect on myself as I have to suppress myself and try to act straight. But what to do? Anyway, I have been trying to know more about the gay community and get in touch with those who have gone through the process of coming out as I know later in future I will join them and be proud of being who I am. For now, I can only pray for the best!

(Sometimes, I feel suffer when I think of myself as gay. I feel really lonely at times. Seeing that most of my straight friends having romantic relationships reminds me of how lonely I am. I do hope one day in the future the society will change and accept people like us.)