Wasting Time

I still have three days of holiday before going back to school.

Boredom fills my time this few days. I have been lazing away the long CNY break.

What did I do for the past few days? Aha! Reading blogs, chatting thru MSN, googling, eat, and sleep. That's what i did! I believe I have addicted to reading blogs. The first thing I do when i switch on my laptop is to browse through the blogs that i follow. My addiction to blogs really kill off my time. Really have to control myself when school reopens. Can't continue like that.

Nowadays, I don't know what to do during my spare time even though there are tonnes of important things waiting for me to settle. I think I had this syndrome since early January. I know I have lotz of things to do but I just idle my time away. Plsss help me!!

Anyway, I have jz downloaded a movie called <无野之城>. It's a HK Cantonese movie about the life of HK baseball players. Lotz of hot guys and naked scene. I'm sure it would be a hit among the queers. Haha...

Going off to dinner soon. (...idling the day away again...haiz...)

Celebration

Every year is a repetition. So, come CNY and everyone is busy preparing for the big day. It is also a time when everyone returns home to be together with their beloved. Since I was a kid, I always look forward to celebrating CNY (I think everyone also has the same experience). However, as I grow older, that 'feeling' vanishes. Perhaps you don't get so excited as an adult. Every year, all of my extended family members will return to my grandparents' house. CNY is another time for reunion dinners, getting red packets, gambling, eating mandarin oranges, listening to CNY songs, gossiping among relatives, etc. Nowadays, I seldom talk to my cousins. Perhaps of our age gap. Yea..I'm the eldest grandchild and my next cousin is 1 year younger. However, since my teenage years I never talked to him. He's a very peculiar person. He seldom mingle around with other cousins. The third eldest cousin is 2 years younger than me and she's now studying in England. I'm closest to her and this year she didn't come back for CNY. So, a quiet CNY indeed for me. I am always at the corner of the living room either listening to IPOD or reading blogs using my phone GPRS. To me, CNY is just an ocassion to meet some family members who you haven't seen for a year, chit-chat, eat..eat...and eat. I really don't feel the festive mood anymore. And this year the fireworks display has reduce in numbers. (Emm..sign of the looming economic crisis)

Fortunate for me, my realtives haven't come up with the 'Do you have a girlfriend?' question yet. Perhaps I'm only 21 and I believe the question will pop up in a few years time.

After a long 5 days celebration, I finally came back to PJ today. It's very quiet. Not many have return from CNY celebration yet. My wishes for the Year of Ox?? First, I hope I will do well in my studies. Second, hope to find my other half soon (desperate...haiz..). Third, best of health to my family.

I have gained quite some weight, thanks to the delectable dishes and yummy CNY delicacies. Would do some exercise and cut down my meals for the next few days.

新年快乐!

Today I have my last class before going for Chinese New Year holiday. Everyone is in the CNY mood already. I will be having a week long break starting from now till 2nd Feb. Hooray!!

Haven't practiced my writing in Chinese for ages. I would like to take this opportunity to wish Queer Ranter, Sam, Jason, Anton, Silencer, Takashi, Alex, gardenofadam, aaronng, willy, medie007, william, joshua, benny, JD Cole, Ekkonen, savante, KEENYEE, Fable Frog, nase, and other bloggers HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR, 新年快乐!
新年恭贺大家：一帆风顺、二龙腾飞、三羊开泰、四季平安、五福临门、六六大顺、七星高照、八方来财、九九同心、十全十美、百事亨通、千事吉祥、万事如意！


I'll not be around throughout nxt week. So i will continue to blog when I get back after nxt week! Happy CNY and enjoy the holidays!

CNY Shopping

Love Chinese New Year...as it's the time again for great shopping. I do admit that I'm a shopaholic. Haha... Basically these are what I have bought this year for the coming CNY:
1. Two tops from SEED.
2. Two tops from Bossini.
3. Three tops from Hang Ten.
4. One shorts from Hang Ten.
5. A pair of jeans from Lee Cooper.
6. Two pairs of jeans from Topman.
7. A bottle of CK One EDT.
8. One pair of Banana Peels slippers.
9. Two pairs of Nike socks.
Burnt a hole in my pocket. Hopefully will get lots of ang pau this coming CNY.
Happy Chinese New Year!

Ambush

It was raining cats and dogs this afternoon. Attended a meeting for almost an hour and it was still raining when the meeting ended. My coursemate, MS, asked whether I would follow her and other girls for dinner. I nodded and we decided to go for dinner at Mid Valley. Met up with the other girls there and only manage to come to an agreement on where to have dinner after a long deliberation. As usual, we gossiped about everything while waiting for our food. Everyone of us were busy talking about the recent campus election where lotz of nasty incidence had happened. (what happened in the campus were not of importance...). The conversation went on and on till we were at the end of dinner. We talked about places of fine dining and suddenly one of them suggested a place and said I shall bring CJ to dine there as it will be very romantic. CJ is one of my closest friend at university and I am always be seen to be together with her. Rumour has it that I like her and that we are a couple. (but who would ever know that I like guys and not gals) Then, MS asked me which type of gals I like and she said I suppose to like gals like CJ. I jz kept quiet, not responding to their questions. All of them ambushed me. MS even ask me when I would get married. I didn't answer. They cleverly make a conclusion that my silence means that I agreed to what they have said and my non-denial implies that I like CJ. How could I explain to them that CJ is only a close friend and I am actually gay? MS ambushed me again and looked at me trying to get an answer from me whether I like CJ. 'You've asked me the wrong question!' I replied MS. Does my answer impliedly told her that I'm gay? I didn't intend to signal her. But it jz happened. She didn't asked anything further. Paid our bills and went window shopping. I had already be ambushed by my other coursemates for several times. They jz can't let me go without me admitting that I like CJ. But the fact is that I'm gay and CJ is only a good friend of mine. Really don't know how to handle all those questions. (by the way, CJ is a beauty who a guy might fall in love at the first sight)

Lonely

First of May (by Bee Gees)

When I was small, and christmas trees were tall,
We used to love while others used to play.
Don't ask me why, but time has passed us by,
someone else moved in from far away.

(chorus)
Now we are tall, and christmas trees are small,
And you don't ask the time of day.
But you and I, our love will never die,
But guess we'll cry come first of may.

The apple tree that grew for you and me,
I watched the apples falling one by one.
And I recall the moment of them all,
The day I kissed your cheek and you were mine.

(chorus...)

When I was small, and christmas trees were tall,
Do do do do do do do do do...
Dont ask me why, but time has passed us by,
some one else moved in from far away.

---------------------------------------------

It is one of my all time favourite song. Whenever I listen to this song, it will stir a mixed emotion within myself. Today, when I listen to this song, suddenly I felt a sense of extreme loneliness. I am lonely. Lonely in this little world of mine. My identity as a gay could only be confined within myself and the world of blogs. No one knows my supposed self. My own true self. Gosh... I really envy other bloggers who has came out to his friends and those who had found their other half. I could really feel their joy when I read through their blog. I feel really lonely. I'm here alone in my little room without the care and love of a boyfriend. Not even a friend who share my thoughts and feel.

I envy the person in the song..."We used to love while others used to play", "The day I kissed your cheek and you were mine."

I could not confess to anyone. I'm alone with myself. I really hate what I'm going through now- loneliness. I want to do what other gays do. I want to be loved- not by gals but guys. I want someone to hug me when I am down. I want someone who feed me and tuck me in my bed when I am sick. I want someone to talk to when I'm bored, who understand how I feel and think. I want someone beside me when I go for movie. Someone who will be my boyfriend.

I know it is still a long long journey to go. Don't know when I'll reach there. But for now, I only need friends who could really share with me my loneliness.

Car accident!

I was ranting about the car in front which wasn't moving even though there was already no car coming from the right at the roundabout. Just when I was about to overtake his car...'bang!...', I was shocked, I turned to my right looking through the window and to my horror...a motorcyclist slammed my side mirror and it went off! The motorcyclist lost his balance but fortunately he didn't fall to the ground. I was totally shocked..didn't dare to step on the accelerate pedal. The drivers were honking incessantly. I regained my composure and moved my car. The motorcyclist was staring at me earlier and he just followed my car. Then I turned into the road and he was still following. I felt uncomfortable about that. He waved his hand and tried to stop my car. I pointed to him that I would stop my car. In a sudden, he overtook my car and so I stop my car by the side of the road.

I got out of my car and looked at him. He was a Malay in his 4o's. "Kau ada lesen kah?"..he shouted at me. I was not happy at what he said. I stared at him and he took out a packet of cigarretes and smoked. Both of us were looking at each other and were silent for 2 minutes..I guess. I broke the silence and asked him how to settle. Earlier, he was limping when he got down from his motorcycle. He told me that his leg was injured and his motorcycle was damaged. (I knew he was lying)
"Motor encik mana ada rosak?! Tengok side mirror kereta saya!"
"Kaki aku cedera!"
"Kalau cedera, kamu pergi check kat Universiti Hospital."
"Itu hospital private, mahal!"
"Outpatient itu tak perlu bayar, percuma!"
"Dulu, kawan aku tinggal kat situ bayar beribu-ribu."
"Kalau kamu cedera, saya bayar bil."
"Aku tak ada masa, masih kena pergi ke Subang."
I knew that he wanted me to pay him, but he met the wrong person. I told him that I'm a student and I don't have any money to pay him. He gave up when I threatened to make a police report. With that, it was settled. I was still fuming. I drove my car to the Perodua Service Centre to have my side mirror repaired. The side mirror was still hanging with a wire still connected to it. The mechanic told me that I have to replace a new one as the damage is beyond repair. It costs three hundred plus to replace a new side mirror. Called dad and told him the whole incident. What to do? Have to replace a new one. And I had to wait for 2 more days for the spare parts to arrive. Till then, I have to rely on my housemate to drive me around. Paid the deposit by credit card and drove back home.

It was two years already since I last met a car accident. Still remember vividly the last accident I met when I was in Form 6. The last time the front of my MYVI was totally kemek; this time with the side mirror going off.

About Myself

I saw quite some number of bloggers doing this. So decided to post it at my blog also.

Name: Julian
Current location: PJ, Selangor.
Eye colour: Dark brown.
Hair colour: Black.
Height: 170cm (..i think i'm still growing..slowly..haha)
Right handed or left handed: Right handed.
Your heritage: Pure Chinese.
The show you wear today: Nike
Your weakness: not good at anger management.
Your fears: being ugly, talking to strangers.
Your perfect pizza: hawaiian chicken.
Goal you would like to achieve this year: Find my true love.
Your most overused phrase on an instant messenger: Haha...
First thought when wake up: washing face and breakfast.
Your best physical feature: baby face...boyish look...
Your bedtime: Around 2 am.
Your most missed memory: my secondary school time..(ahh..the good old times)
Pepsi or Coke: both.
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald's
Single or group dates: both.
Lipton ice tea or Nestea: Haven't tasted Lipton ice tea..
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate..but i started liking vanilla recently..
Cappucino or coffee: cappucino.
Do you smoke?: No! I hate smokers!
Do you swear?: Sometimes when I'm driving..
Do you sing?: rarely..i don't sing well..
Do you shower daily?: of course! at least twice a day..
Have you been in love: yes..but lost contact with him already..(sob)
Do you want to go to college?: i'm in university now..
Do you want to get married?: yup..
Do you believe in yourself: yes..always!
Do you think you're attractive: actually i do..
Are you a health freak: not really..
do you get along with your parents: sometimes..
do you like thunderstorm: not at all..
do you play an instrument: no..
do you play martial art: yup..taekwondo..
ever been drunk: nope..i don't drink..
ever been called a tease: ..haha..
ever been beaten up: by my mum..when i was small..
ever shoplifted: once..when i was small..but didn't get caught (haha)
how do you want to die: i don't want to die!
what do you want to be when you grow up: a happy guy who has found his true love..
what country would you most like to visit: Italy

Hope you guys will know me better. Don't be shy if you wanna know more bout me! ;)

Cheers! ;)
Julian

Haircut

Can't wait till next week to trim my hair- it's long and difficult to style. So when I woke up this morning, I decided to have a haircut. I usually have my haircut at Hair Atelier or Jantzen Salon, but, today on the recommendation of someone, I went to Kimarie Salon. It's only RM25.00 for senior stylist cut (including hairwash). Quite cheap as compared with Hair Atelier which is RM28.oo for junior stylist cut and Jantzen which is RM40.00 per cut. Waited for 30minutes before it was my turn. While waiting, I noticed a cute guy. Haha... He's washing hair for a customer. I looked at him for quite some while- I think I like him. I was thinking whether he will wash my hair and I wish hard deep down in my heart that later he will wash my hair. After he finished washing the hair of a customer, he walked pass me and my heart was pounding so fast. I managed to get a near glimpse on him. Later the receptionist called my name and guess what, he appeared in front of me and lead me to my place. I do not dare to look at him-jz ocassionally caught a glimpse of him washing my hair. He is really cute and he did an awesome massage. Got a slight erection when he massaged my head. ^.^ He finished washing my hair and I enjoyed every moment of it till I forgot to ask for his name. He left and the hairstylist came. To my surprise, the hairstylist did a quick job and it's not a very nice cut. Haiz... Paid RM 25.00 and left. I still miss that cute guy. I wonder whether I should go to Kimarie again: for the cute guy, or for a not-so-nice haircut? Haha...

The Right Path?

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost (1875-1963)


Every choice taken will be followed by a risk: futile or fruitful.
Has anyone ever wondered if you choose to be homosexual (or some may argue that he is born homosexual) what will happen to you when you are old? [I meant no offence]
You may enjoy the freedom of being who you are but would your partner spend the rest of his life with you. By choosing to be gay, you will not have any children as:
1. Man + Woman = Children
2. Man + Man = 0
3. Woman + Woman = 0
These are the simple formulae created by God. A gay will be lonely when he is old. This is the consequence of the path chosen by a gay. Is that fair? Personally, I have no comment, nothing to say about that. In order to obtain one thing, you have to sacrifice another thing.

I am really worried about my future if I choose the path 'less traveled by' for it would make 'all the difference'. Would I stake my life on it? Honestly, I don't have an answer for myself!

Food and Shopping

Today, woke up around 10 o clock. Only had instant noodle and coffee for breakfast. Too bad. I have always dislike eating instant noodle as the flavour and smell is too artificial. My mood today is quite good and have the thought of doing some shopping today. Shopping is one of my favourite thing to do. But since moving out of campus, my wallet is quite tight as I have to fork out additional money for expenses like internet bill, water bill, electricity bill etc. So shopping wasn't in my priority list for the past half year.

After breakfast, chatted with an online friend and read some blogs and time jz flew by till it's already over 3 something. I was so hungry. Had a quick shower, styled my hair and quickly I headed to Mid Valley-my favourite shopping mall, driving at a speed of around 100km/h along the Federal Highway. It was a great headache thinking of where to have my lunch- and it's already 3.45pm. Suddenly, Pasta Zanmai came into my thought. It was opened two months ago in Mid Valley and I haven't dined there before though my good friend has been always asking me to have dinner there since its opening. So I decided to have my lunch there. Pasta Zanmai offers a variety of pasta and pizza which is of the combination of Japanese and Italian flavour. Quite unique. I have always like Japanese and Italian food and it is jz too nice for me to have lunch at Pasta Zanmai.

I ordered a plate of Prawn Tempura Pasta with Sesame Sauce (what lovely combination!) and a cup of green tea latte (another 'one of its kind' recipe). Both the food and service were excellent.

After savouring my feast, I went to withdraw some money from the ATM to shop for clothes for CNY. First stop: ESPRIT. Not many discount and promotion going on. Saw a few smart and chic clothes but too expensive. Went out empty handed. Second stop: TOPMAN. First thing that I noticed was the jeans and there is promotion for jeans- only RM163.00 per pair. Irresistible. Ended up buying two pairs. Third stop: QUICKSILVER. The surfing shorts are jz too expensive. Last stop: SASA. Still left around RM80 in pocket. So went to withdraw money again. This time my aim was PERFUME. I always have been wanted to buy a bottle of perfume since I entered university. Finally I accomplished my goal today. My very first bottle of perfume: CK One, eau de toilette. Haha... Thought of going to trim my hair. But have already spent a around RM600 today. So I will only cut my hair when it's near CNY.

I truly enjoy myself today! A truly self-rewarding experience. Haven't felt so self-satisfied for quite some time. I think it's gonna be a long long time before I get to enjoy such a day again.

First time 'blogging'.

Finally, i have my own blog. What makes me start my own blog? I have always enjoyed reading other people's blogs and the intention of starting my own blog is always there but just that I was too busy with my studies for the past one and a half years. Yesterday, when i was 'googling', i stumbled upon Alexander The Gay. It was a very well written blog and I truly enjoyed reading all the postings there. I could relate what he said to my real life. I must admit I am not as brave as him (Alex) in revealing my own true self. I mean my sexuality. Being grown up in a society which upholds the Eastern values and frowns upon the people who deviated from those values, I can only keep it with myself. I can't even tell that to my best friend, my bro or even a stranger as I can't afford to bear the consequences of revealing my true self. I hope through this blog, I would be able to tell other people about my feelings and to know other people who is in the same fate as me.

It's nice to start the ball rolling and I would try my very best to update my blog frequently.